Well, I'd never sleep with your ex-girlfriend Even if she starts to flirt with me again Allow me apologize for my slightly wicked thoughts 'Cause that's the kind of friend that you've got If a fight breaks out and you're the cause of it In some redneck bar where you've been talking shit I would not forsake you later in that parking lot 'Cause that's the kind of friend that you've got Well, through the laughter and the tears We go stumbling through the years A bit dysfunctional well folks might say Well, I've got the dirt on you Hey, I've got plenty on you too So I pray we stay together all our days So when you're on a date and you finally bring that girl home You put a little Captain Beefheart on the stereo and you disconnect the phone Then I show up drunk and raving and then I pass out on the spot 'Cause that's the kind of friend that you've got Well, through the laughter and the tears We go stumbling through the years A bit dysfunctional well folks might say You can say that again Well, I've got the dirt on you Hey, I've got plenty on you too So I pray we stay together all our days Oh, dear Lord Yeah, I pray we stay together all our days