Seventy-six trombones led the big parade With a hundred and ten cornets close at hand Followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos The cream of every famous band Seventy-six trombones caught the morning sun With a hundred and ten cornets right behind More than a thousand reeds springing up like weeds There were horns of every shape and kind There were copper bottom timpani in horse platoons Thundering, thundering, all along the way Double bell euphonium's and big bassoons Each bassoon having its big fat say There were fifty mounted canons in the battery Thundering, thundering, louder than before Clarinets of every size and trumpeters who'd improvise A full octave higher than the score Seventy-six trombones led the big parade When the order to march rang out loud and clear With a big bang bong on a Chinese gong By a big bang bonger at the rear Seventy-six trombones hit the counterpoint While a hundred and ten cornets played the air Then I modestly took my place as the one and only bass And I oompahed up and down the square