[Harry] First you take our worst song yet Then you dress Zayn up as a chick You two can play gross execs [Louis] I think I should look more Jewish [Zayn] This video’s starting to suck dick But how can we make it total shit? [One D] We are trying to make the worst vid ever That is why Harry is dressed up like a nerd [Harry] What about Liam though? He needs a character? [Liam] How about a homo choreographer? And I can go oh oh oh! And dance like a stereo! Typical gay. [Zayn] Now let’s break stuff! [Liam] Nothing in this video has to do with what we’re singing. [Harry] Because it’s a cheap promo [Zayn] it’s an advertisement. [Harry] For our horrible new movie. [Niall] Come on guys we need to make this worse. [Liam] OK but let me kiss Niall first. [One D] Now let’s all prance down a hallway together. Trash this place for no reason whatsoever. [Louis] I’ll pee on this girl’s desk. [Harry] I’ll throw her computer. [Black Guy] What the hell is wrong with you crazy crackers? [Niall] Now I’m in a shopping cart. Did you know I play guitar? [Girl] Nobody cares. [Zayn] Flip the table! [Louis] This video is officially shitty now. [Zayn] But the one thing that we are still missing is a dance. [Crowd] NO! NO! NO! [One D] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [Man] Please don’t dance! [Crowd] NO! NO! NO! [Harry] Two! One, two, three! [One D] Now we all are doing the worst dance ever. [Harry] It’s so bad it’s giving that man a seizure. [Niall] Holy crap guys look at that. What are those strange creatures? [Aliens] We are aliens who made the planet Earth. The human race was a big experiment. And we’re sad to say this video’s proven it was a big mistake so we now must end it. Congrats on fucking your entire planet. [One D] Hold on please no no no We’ll stop the video. [Aliens] It is too late. [One D] Oh shit we’re screwed!