If I Were a Detective I would be happier Than I am now 'Cause I Would not be expected To just take this lying down I'll do what I can And my job would be my life I'll do what I can But I could not keep my wife 'Cause she left some time ago. I really thought my life was homing in on Some kind of resolution Some kind of bold, stark solution A neat Baker Street end With a Paul Auster bend Or a plausible lie That I could tell my friends Oh I think I could be The one happy Detective 'Cause I would search for everyone else I'd do what I can And my job would be my life I'll do what I can But I never get it right 'Cause she left some time ago. I do what I can And my job would be my life I do what I can But I never get it right 'Cause she left some time ago And she's with a better man Than me.