Tips on the Stock Market

歌詞

spoken: Well, folks, They got me in the market just as they got every-body else. In fact, they're not calling it the Stock Market any longer. It's called the Stuck Market. Everyone is stuck. Well, except my uncle. He got a good break. He died in September. Poor fellow had diabetes at 45. That's nothing. I had Chrysler at 110. With the way the market has been running, many a man goes down to business in a Rolls-Royce, And comes home in a Mack Truck. If the market takes another slump, I know thousands and thousands of married men Who will have to leave their sweethearts And go back to their wives. Everyone is singing The Margin Song from Wall Street: "Sucker Come Back To Me" [to tune of "Lover Come Back To Me] Of course, if you can dig up the margin, you're all right. If not, Brother, you're gone. Now-a-days, when a man walks into a hotel, And requests a room on the 19th floor, The clerk asks him: "For sleeping, or jumping?" I met one chap in the lobby of a hotel the other day And he looked quite sleepy. And so I asked him: I said "Why are your eyes half shut?" He answered, "Eddie, I had to give up my room at 4:30 this morning. I had it on margin." You know, a lot of brokers down on Wall Street have devised a wonderful scheme. With each five shares of stock They hand you a loaded gun. They don't tell you what to do with it But you can use your own judgement. Before I quit talking, I want to give you one sure tip on the Market. Go out tomorrow and buy National Casket. You can't go wrong. And by the way, Have you noticed that the Market is reflected even in the way women are dressing? Have you noticed how their skirts have dropped? Personally, I shouldn't worry about my stocks. I know my broker is going to carry me. Yes sir. He, and 3 other pall bearers.