Here we go now! I'm a villan I'm a rogue I'll nick your wallet or garden gnome I'm a burglar I'm a cad An open window I'm in your home I'll have your tools or kiddies toys And I'm not safe - a joy of joys I'll be the gasman or a toad I'll have your telly or garden hose While I'm scoping in the dark I'll strap your dog so he won't bark I won't disturb your only dreams But if you wake up there's no screams I'll nick anything removable From the QE2 to the toilet paper in the houses of parliment I'll even have the milk off your doorstep Or the skin off a baby seals back 'cause I'm a real villan (played backwards) I'll steal the paper or the milk Or warn your neighbours or the bill I'm a stealer I'm a crook Read about me in Mich's book Burglary is a life for me Burglary is a life for me People say that crime don't pay I drink champagne every day And the good lord said 'thou shall not steal' There is only one path and that is the straight and narrow It's a bit too bleeding straight and a bit too narrow for my liking Ok gov It's a fair cop Throw on the bracelets Chink chink oh god I'm nicked I sentence you to six months... Take him away