Dear Hitler, I wrote you a letter And I used the new address I sent But Moscow returned it this morning With a word written on it in red It's a word I've been hearing quite often And I know just how much it hurts You've heard it yourself from the British Dear Adolf, that word was 'Nertz!' I'm writing again for a favour Although I feel sure it's no use But now that Japan is your fall guy Dear Adolf, oh please turn me loose I'm longing so much for the old days When they greeted me with 'Bravos' And I like the old salute better Without their thumb to their nose Your Gestapo you sent here to help me Don't know what a big shot I am Please tell them their 'Bronx cheers' annoy me And I don't like the way they say, "Scram!" The last speech I made to my people I outlined your Russian idea And instead of the cheers I expected I heard someone snicker, "Oh Yeah!" Last night I dreamed I saw Stalin And here's a suggestion he made Better tell your dear old friend Adolf To brush up on his wallpaper trade And the next time that you see Max Schmeling Here's something that he oughta know The Yankees have got a new weapon That's known as 'Brown Bomber' Joe Well, Adolf, I'd better be closing So 'Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil!' And please don't forgrt that old promise That you'd give me the whole British Isles P.S., don't think I'm complaining But my wardrobe is looking quite sad Can you spare me an old suit of Goering's Maybe it won't smell too bad