Getting Old Sucks

歌詞

It really sucks to get old, or so I was told When I was growing up, now I'm watching it unfold As I'm showing up for work where I have a broken chair And some carpel tunnel syndrome from too much solitaire I remember a time not long ago When my hair was growing thicker on my head than in my nose And my toes didn't have any hair or weird dents Now I'm poppin' Rolaids from a Pez dispenser Everything hurts, or makes a funny noise And now I have to pay for all of my own toys And I avoid any physical exertion, I'm amazed That the simplest tasks leave me sore for days My prospects for walking get a little bit bleaker As my butt gets larger and my knees get weaker And I hate to admit it but it's true I pulled a muscle in my back while I was tying my shoe Damn, it sucks to get old (huh?) Damn, it sucks to get old (say what?) Damn, it sucks to get old (huh?) Damn, it sucks to get old (what?) "I have no idea what he's saying. I can't understand him one bit. Can you?" "No, I can't stand him either." You know you're getting old and things'll never be the same The day a little kid beats you in a video game How they remember the moves and the combos and quirks I'll never know, but hey, I remember the Snorks When I was a kid we didn't have the internet Which of course made porn a lot harder to get And our cars didn't have GPS we had a mess Of a map that you couldn't refold for crap I used to stay out late on a date get drunk As a skunk, stumble home, get up and feel great Now, I'm home by eight to watch MacGyver And the only thing I'm drinking is for supplemental fiber Back then I would pretend I was Captain Kirk Now I have a desk and I pretend to work I don't wanna be a kid again or even twenty-four again But it would be nice if I could get up off the floor again Damn, it sucks to get old (uh-huh) Damn, it sucks to get old (yep) Damn, it sucks to get old (uh-huh) Damn, it sucks to get old (yep) "Oh, so you can understand him now?" "No, I'm just pretending to listen. Like I do with my wife." "Back when I was a teenager, girls didn't go around shaking their booty and showing their boobs. There was no Girls Gone Wild. Oh God I'm depressed." "Back when I was a boy, video games only cost a quarter. And all you were was a dot who ate other dots." You begin to forget things like Who you are, where you are, why you're where you are How'd you get to where you are, and where the Hell'd you park the car And if you walk too far will you need some CPR? How'd your life get so bizarre and how the Hell'd you get that scar Your life becomes filled with more questions than answers Like what happened to the Solid Gold dancers? Should I get checked for cancer? Do you know where My pants are? And what the Hell's a "male enhancer?" I don't need fashion tips from gay men 'Cause finally some of my clothes are back in style again So now I just need to be a little more svelte And get rid of this gut that's hanging over my belt I'm checking out the hottie in the checkout line Her name is Melanie, but it's a felony for what I have in mind That's a plan that I don't understand How a thirty-something turns into a dirty old man, but The worst feeling is the day you realize Our elected officials are just spewing real lies One is pure evil so you can't vote for him But the other one couldn't teach a duck to swim Damn, it sucks to get old (uh-huh) Damn, it sucks to get old (yep) Damn, it sucks to get old (uh-huh) Damn, it sucks to get old (yep)