Mister Major's got a pager Because he sells E's To the Russians Who crush and snort them But they never seem to sneeze I need no answers to my questions Oh Mr Major's old and greyer Than he's ever been He lied to us all And took a big fat wager But now he hasn't got a bean I need no answers to my questions And I need no questions to my an-answers Now Felix the cat is on his back Oh Felix the cat what a twat So who needs Columbo He's just got off a slow boat From China or somewhere like that I need no answers to my questions And I need no questions to my an-answers I need no answers to my questions And I need no questions to my an-answers