Reindeer smoking cigarettes on rooftops In fishnets in the morning With the moon still glowing And here comes Santa in an Astrovan Rolling down Broad and Pattison He's stoned while Jerry plays He said, "Life ain't ever what it seems These dreams are more than paper things And it's alright, mama, you're afraid I'll be poor along the way But I don't wanna see those tears again You know, Santa drives an Astrovan" Yes, he does He said, "Ooh" And in my heart there's a hole that grows From all the ones I miss the most Some of the best ones ain't comin' home So if I love under the mistletoe Reaching out for the great unknown Every reindeer has illusions Life ain't ever what it seems These dreams are more than paper things And it's alright, mama, you're afraid I'll be there along the way And I don't wanna see those tears again You know Santa drives an Astrovan Yes, he does I say, "Whoo" Ho, ho, ho, ho Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh When I see those reindeer on the roof I'll know I've made it When my doobie smoking Santa Puts my name up on his "Nice List" He said, "Son, you're famous in Philly You'll always be famous in Philly" And you know you'll always be winnin' When you're comin' home for Christmas And I don't wanna see those tears again You know Santa drives an Astrovan I don't wanna see those tears again You know Santa drives an Astrovan