I woke up, threw some sweat pants on Then I fed my cat and then I walked to the mini mart And I really want a donut, shouldn't get a donut Bought a donut, fuck it man it's really hard Supposed to be on a diet, I wanna be like Ryan He lost thirty pounds on that paleo But fuck it man I love fried shit I was gonna get skinny for the summer I was gonna start doing my crunches But looking down at my stomach I'mma go to the beach, but I'm not taking my shirt off in public My girl shaped like a bottle of Coke Me? I'm shaped like a bottle of nope I'd like to order a hot dog, some bon bons A large soda, and some tacos to go I never knew what a carbohydrate was Turns out that it's all the snacks I love I wanna be like Hugh Jackman, you know jacked man With a really huge package I wanna be the 2015 Batman And send Ben Affleck packing If you ain't gonna treat Jennifer Garner right You don't deserve to have that You better pass that to the homie Matt Damon He'd eat the booty like Pac Man You know I feel good about this place You know I feel good about this steak You know I feel good about this shake You know I feel good about these plates You know I feel good about this crepes You know I feel good about this cake You know I just love how it tastes I'm not gonna wait, I'm not tripping about my weight, no Happy New Years Everybody got a resolution But the next day, we forget about it, never do 'em I went to the gym and got a membership Five minutes on the treadmill and I never lift That was four years ago I should probably cancel this But they tell me I gotta do it in person, ain't that a bitch? But tomorrow though, I'mma get fit Get me a fuel band and a fit-bit Get me some workout shoes, and a bench press Some Lulu Lemons and a french press I'mma finally focus do some private yoga Exercise my shoulders, I'mma hide the donuts Realign my posture, no time for sofas I'm finally sober, no lime Coronas But again, that's tomorrow And today, man, I gotta go in 'cause it's my last day Before I lose that weight, I gotta get one last plate and go big I ate all night, Kool-Aid on ice I woke up and I felt like shit And I said, "You know what, man, fuck it I should probably start on Monday instead" Motherfucker let's eat You know I feel good about this place You know I feel good about this steak You know I feel good about this shake You know I feel good about these plates You know I feel good about this crepes You know I feel good about this cake You know I just love how it tastes I'm not gonna wait, I'm not tripping about my weight, no