She's the slickest chick I've ever known I take her with me wherever I go to rope in all my fears And open all my beers and to never ever leave me alone She's tiny, shiny and bright, almost too sharp but not quite She does it all somehow She's in my pocket now but I'm gonna take her out tonight She's my Swiss army girlfriend She's holding up her end, and she's all mine So I got a Valentine to send Do I have to draw a diagram? When I'm out of luck or in a jam She can get me hot and out of tight spots And she's ready whenever I am She slices, dices and more She can handle any household chore And I love the feel of her stainless steel When we're rolling all around on the floor She's my Swiss army girlfriend She's in my dresser drawer And I'm all hers And we've got a universe to explore And I love her so, though she may never know Just how low I would go To keep her by my side And open wide for when our worlds collide She's the only game in town She's a thriller that you can't put down So enjoy this song because before too long We're gonna run each other into the ground She's my Swiss army girlfriend We've barely started yet But we're all set And we've got a bassinet to get