I Stand On The Line

歌詞

I draw down from the well where it gathers Time is a river that carries and buries If you wait for the right time, you'll never be ready But sometimes every cell in my skin feels too heavy We all know something's gone wrong Looking for convenient scapegoats to blame it on With all the problems that we have to contend with Why are trans bodies always on the agenda? I'm alive, thirty five years dying to breathe Was on my knees, fighting panic at the back of the stage Looking for salvation in the crowd Trying to hold it up, but I couldn't hold it down I was swimming but the waters were rising Terrified if I told the truth and stopped hiding And said what I couldn't bear to say to myself I would sacrifice everything I'd made for myself My family, my friends, the people who felt my music, would all leave It was a belt round my neck It was too big to look at square on, it kept growing I'd known it forever but I tried to stop knowing Thank god, for the multitudes in us The younger selves that will not give up even when we're inclined to If you turn your back on the light for too long The light doesn't die, it just stops trying to find you I stand on a line that goes back That goes back to the dawn of my kind before that Before that, to the dawn of all time That extends, that extends To the end of it all, where it begins again I stand on the line that goes back That goes back to the dawn of my kind Before that Before that To the dawn of all time Going in, going in To the end where it all begins Up from the rubble now, love is the muscle I train I walk myself home in the rain I know it hurts you when they look at you strange Misgender you intentionally, use your deadname When they point blank refuse you, call you confusing Assault you in the street until you're hardly moving I adore us, I do it all for us Our warmth is a portal We're awkward and graceful The place we are from is eternal And what we embody is healing and perfect Resilience As long as we're getting killed for our differences We have to keep living, keep living through it Thirty seven, going through a second puberty Out in the limelight like please, nobody look at me I'm looking for myself, all I'm seeing is the bitterness Coming my way when I'm using the facilities And how many strangers will I upset today with my existence? Skip through it I guess, keep resisting The T's putting hairs on my chest, spots on my chin, my emotions are not what they've been I'm just trying to cause an effect When I pause and reflect on the years spent exhausted and wrecked I just want to go back, put it all on the deck And say child, just keep going, keep drawing your breath I stand on a line that goes back That goes back to the dawn of my kind before that Before that, to the dawn of all time That extends, that extends To the end of it all, where it begins again I stand on the line that goes back That goes back to the dawn of my kind before that Before that To the dawn of all time Going in, going in To the end where it all begins