Can't Con an Honest John

歌詞

Using the following I'm going to show you A) How to con someone using their own greed B) That you won't feel bad 'cos they're trying to con you anyway, and C) TAKING THEIR MONEY As I have come to realise running the beats is just getting people's confidence This scam only works 'cos that man thinks he's working this scam And that you man off his mark Get your mate let's call your mate Piers No, not Piers let's call him Farquhar Anyway get Farquhar to crawl into a bar with his dog Like I said, the barman will try and con you later but you're gonna take all his money Anyway, get Farquhar to pass into a local bar And call to the bar to look after a dog for a dart Just for 20 quid for a while claiming that he hated it But it was worth more than his car This, by the way requires that you find and supply Farquhar With an animal, and a life from your local park Get a nice dog that doesn't bark But not so nice that someone might miss this mutt from the park Anyway, using this technique you're gonna take all this man's money But you're not gonna care cos he's gonna fucking deserve it You'll never con an Honest John An Honest John you can't drag down (Exactly!) Con-do-lee get conned When they think they're the cunning one (It's all one big con) Neighbour you won't con An Honest John Now listen, get Farquhar to dart out the bar And just shop for some garm's, maybe Just to pass an hour or so I would go shopping cos' I gave up drinking But whatever, just have Farquhar down the road Now you walk in the bar walk up to the barman Order a jar, when you've caught him slouched on his own Start eyeing the dog that he's minding by his side Currently vibe him and start on about the dog you own Start asking the barman if it's his fine specimen of a dog Nod, smile, agree look interested and cool When he tells you it's someone else's you've just left previous Tell him, 'This is a very rare breed of animal.' Last time I lied my manager swiped me But lie, and tell him it's like a fucking Red-Eared Hunting Spaniel Tell him it's worth 600 quid and you would pay handsomely if you were to accept finance at all You'll never con an Honest John (Sometimes) An Honest John you can't drag down (Sometimes I think I should just go completely) Condolee get conned When they think they're the cunning one Neighbour you won't con an Honest John Now take all his shopping off him Get your mate Farquhar to pop in Looking straight gutted a bit later on He should order a jar talk at the bar Ensure he looks calm warm with the barman And generally start conversating on Farquhar should start falling apart About how he's arsed up some chance And how arsed up his day was Or in the event the spread betting he's getting ready to accept That his rent's not getting payed up The barmans mind will chime slowly for a while He might wipe the bar as his mind is making sums Farquhar should continue to moan about money And that this mutt is not the greatest of his worries And like 'ching!' the barman will five out of six times Kindly offer his greed to buy the dog for a price of 300 quid And after some bartering your barman will haggle and charge harder In greed of the scent of the scheme in his head You'll never con an Honest John An Honest John you can't drag down Condolee get conned When they think they're the cunning one Neighbour you won't con an Honest John They'll never imagine the whole scenario is prepared solely for him Why should he? That sort of paranoia can get you in the loony bin As I have come to realise running the beats is just getting people's confidence AND THAN TAKING THEIR MONEY It's all one big con