Call Me Jennifer And Steal My Stapler

歌詞

In the vestibule Near the stained-glass window of Jesus trying to eat a Ford Pinto There's a carrot, and a penis, and an eyebrow mangler Choose wisely, bite the spoon-hive Lick the mattress, laminate your relatives Try to find a way to fit the word "speculum" into your obituary I am the salmon master I am the crouton blaster I'm only normal in that my ass has a hole Chalk it up to Mommy's shetlin pony casserole You am a scrotum scraper You am a walrus raper Keep your mucus in a furnace Blow your nose and try to burn us And you can't escape my thermos (But you gotta) Call me Jennifer and you can steal my stapler Paint the leaves but it won't make your elm tree any mapler Arm your credenza but you still can't fight the urge To pee in your Mountain Dew and call it homemade surge Do you really think that it will bring you great success To leave me emasculated and staplerless Though you dare to call me Jennifer And you dare to steal your stapler Someday you'll find an octagonal llama in your beard (in your beard) Where's your vegetables? Are they buried in phlegm at the bottom of a yak aquarium? Are they tasty? Are they boneless? Are they masturbating? (blaaah!) Moon Gandhi, Paint your kittens Figure out which condiment you can most easily impersonate Is it mustard? Yes it's mustard! It is so, you lying bastard! I am the warthog waxer I am the corn relaxer Blowing my nose on a Whitesnake bandana Reading all your anti-string propaganda You am a lemur poopy You am an Urkel groupie When you walk along and stumble Kick the chickens as they mumble Put a bookmark in your bunghole (then ya gotta) Call me Jennifer, and try to steal my stapler Go to Naples, and try like hell to make it Napler Swivel like a narcoleptic ice cream scoop Write an essay comparing the civil war to pine cone soup You can tour the brand-new lobster factory Come in the front, and leave through the backtory If you're born and raised in Syracuse By a pack of Nazi caribous Then I'm sure, that you can relate to all I say (all I say) You might say Why not start a cult that worships Popeye? How about cuz Popeye sucks? Build yourself a condo in the wilderness That's made out of live ducks! Why can't strudel bitch and pout? Why won't bicycles put out? What's this stupid song about? ( And why the hell do you ) call me Jennifer, and try to steal my stapler If you do weird things with grapes, than can you be called a grapler? Does your mother still collect electric cheese? Do you use prosthetic chipmunk limbs to sodomize Rick Dees? When you're barnlike, do rabid toasters lick your hair? Do Egyptians all wear Wonder Woman underwear? Do you have a tampon in your skull? Can I use you as a urinal? Do you fill your shoes with sticks and lard? Do the Care Bears make your nipples hard? Do you pray to yeast and Michael Dorn? Do you wish there was Sock Monkey porn? Do you weep whenever you see a homeless pear? I don't CARE!