I wish you smelled a little funny Not just funny really bad We could roam the streets forever Just like cats but we'd never stray I sometimes wish you were a mermaid I could raise you in the tub at home We could take a swim together On weekly day trips to the bay Oh you and me It would be only you and me Oh you and me It would be only you and me I wish you were a little bigger Not just big but really fat Doors you would no longer fit through In my bed you would have to stay I often wish that you had feathers I'd keep you in a giant cage All day long I'd sit and watch you I'd sing for you and that would be okay People say there are plenty of fish In the sea, baby, all I do is wish I wish you were a little slower Not just slow but paralyzed Then I could plug you into a socket So you could never run away I really wish that you were smaller Not just small but really really short So I could put you in my pocket And carry you around all day