Baltimore

歌詞

When my mother told me "Don't forget your rain boots when it's wet" I listened up just like a good, good little girl And when she prudently suggested I should lose the cigarette I knew that bit of wisdom was a pearl But in all of the advice that I collected through the years I admit to you with trepidatious dread Unfortunately there was some That whizzed right through my ears Oh where, where was my mind when mother said Avoid naval-contemplating, floppy-haired actors Originally from Baltimore Who excel at mime, still play Stratego And have issues with their mom Sure, at first, they're very charming Their attention is disarming But give attention in return and, dear They'll drop you like a bomb Yes, do avoid REO-Speedwagon-loving Christopher-Walken- imitating thespians Originally from Baltimore Who can't piss unless their shrink says it's okay Why let them break your heart, dear? Put your head on and be smart, dear Put some bug spray on and make them go away When my daddy told me "Look both ways before you cross the street" I took his words to heart, and I complied And when he told me "Be yourself," and I should march to my own beat I did, and found the truth was bonafide But in all of the advice that I collected through the years I have to say, I am a bit surprised I missed the best advice that daddy trumpeted my way Oh where, where was my mind when he advised Avoid narcissistic, alcoholic Think they're French, but they're not, waiters Originally from Baltimore Who deflower you Carry a copy of Fountainhead in their pocket And lie about their age Sure, at first, their eyes look steely And their words are touchy-feely Have them cheat upon you twice And my advice is more than sage Yes, do steer clear of Renaissance-festival-loving Food service consultants originally from Baltimore Who say they danced with NYC Ballet But are really an administrative intern For it's clear upon reflection, if you give him your affection You will understand the concept, "Crash and Burn" The singles world out there can be a scary land I have to ask: Is it me, or is it Maryland? So, if you can possibly avoid it Don't fall in love, or lust, or have crushes On boys from Baltimore Though, at first, they seem chock-full of style and class Sure, Cal Ripken's charm is actual But he's married, and it's factual Pimlico is not the only place you'll find a horse's ass Yes, at all costs, avoid Ridiculous, though amusing, experiences Cultivated in Baltimore Barry Levenson, I mean no disrespect If you have to go to Baltimore And meet boys, do not marry 'em Although, it's true, I hear That they've got quite a nice aquarium Ladies, take your hearts, and run As fast as little legs can carry 'em From Baltimore There are better boys in Boise Boys in Boise always call You'll have better luck in Jersey Or St. Paul—well, not St. Paul But, no matter where life takes you It just makes no sense to fall In Baltimore Hey, where you from? Silver Spring? Oh...