Well we're living here in Allentown And he's driven our lives into the ground When we woke up we were wasted and drunk Phil got shot, we got beaten by a monk I was happy and my life was good Getting married like a dentist should Roasting marshmallows on a stick I got fucked in the ass by a girl with a dick And we're living here in Allentown But they're taking Teddy's finger now And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose my shit And shoot Allen in the face And shoot myself