Seltzer boy Where are you hiding If you don't come right now I'm gon' tell you boss on you Oy. Don't bring me water I rather have seltzer 'Cause water don't bubble And water don't fizz Water I hate it 'Cause it ain't carbonated But a glass of seltzer On the other hand is Don't bring me Pepsi Don't bring me a Kool-Aid Don't bring a malted And don't bring me champagne I'll tell you what boy Bring me one scotch and soda Then you'll take back the scotch, boy And leave the 2 cents plain Seltzer boy When are you coming? If don't bring that seltzer I'm gon' tell Mister Meltzer on you Seltzer boy [Seltzer squirting] That's better, could you put in a little chocolate sauce?