I got a barmaid from St Helens in the back of my Vauxhall Viva, She had massive melons and I wanted to bang her beaver, She had real bad breath and a dose of the pox, I ripped off her bags and her sweaty socks, And rattled my potatoes against her dirtbox. Spread your legs and get your knickers down, Spread your legs and don't make a sound, I'm god's gift to women in this f***ing town, Spread your legs and get your knickers down. She said I was good looking, and looked a bit like George Michael, But she didn't want a f***ing, she was on her menstrual cycle, So I gave her a lift down to Sandbach, She was after some grub, she was on the cadge, I got some meat and stuffed it up her vadge. Spread your legs and get your knickers down, Spread your legs and don't make a sound, I'm god's gift to women in this f***ing town, Spread your legs and get your knickers down. It was a messy job, but I kept my shirt on, It was a penny round collar, I got it from Burton's, I got a good taste of her Bird's Eye beef curtains. Spread your legs and get your knickers down, Spread your legs and don't make a sound, I'm god's gift to women in this f***ing town, Spread your legs and get your knickers down. Spread your legs and get your knickers down, Spread your legs and don't make a sound, I'm god's gift to women in this f***ing town, Spread your legs and get your knickers down.